Things I have learned in 2009

Miscarriage has forever changed our lives and here are a few things I have learned this past year.

Some of the good things:
*God is in control, not me and it will happen in His time and not mine. (Yes I already knew this but now I understand it a little better)
*I am so much stronger than I thought I was.
*When my heart hurts it always feels a little better after prayer.
*I am so deeply in love with my husband. He has been a great source of comfort, he can always make me smile when I'm down, he is always there for me and I feel like our relationship has gotten so much stronger this past year.
*We have our own little angel up in heaven looking down on us and I look forward to some day meeting him/her.
*Everyone has a bad day now and then but it is important to try and focus on your blessings and not wallow in self pity.
*Our family is great. They have been such a great support system and a great source of comfort for us.
*We have realized how much we are ready for and want to start our family. Before, it just kind of seemed like that was just what was suppose to come next, but now it seems so much more than that.

Some of the not so good:
*I am terrified of another miscarriage and even more so of having another partial molar pregnancy, but our desire to have a baby is greater than that fear.
*I am sad that I feel so cautious about future pregnancies and that I can't just be blissfully ignorant in thinking that it will never happen to me.
* I am sad that I'm not as excited for other people when hearing of their pregnancies. Over the last two weeks I have learned of 8 people I know that are pregnant, most are pretty early. While I am happy for them, all I can think of is statistics and I hate that. While I pray every night for all of my pregnant friends and their babies I just worry about all of them and hope that they never have to experience any part of what we had to.
*Miscarriage is a big deal, no matter how far along you are, and its not really talked about a whole lot. I used to be one of those ignorant people that just thought "o well, they can try again" When in fact that is probably the worst thing you can say to someone going through a miscarriage. They just lost their child and all of the hopes and dreams for that child. It is something that we will never forget.

All of this has really been on my heart the last few weeks as we were given the clear to try again and I just thought I would share. I feel like I have learned a lot about myself over this past year. Hopefully soon we will be on to bigger and brighter things;)

Celebrate Good Times

So on Monday we had our last drs appointment!!!! Yea! I was so excited I wanted to cry! This has been such a long and emotional journey and finally this part of it is over! Dr's appointment went well, got a call this morning from the nurse telling me I do NOT have to go back for anymore bloodwork! We discussed a plan of action once we do get pregnant again. As soon as I get a positive hpt I am to call drs office and go in and get bloodwork done, then get bloodwork 48 hrs later to make sure levels are rising appropriately. Ultrasounds at 6 and 8 weeks. After 9 weeks, no longer have to worry about it being another partial molar pregnancy! I'm glad we have a plan, it puts my mind a little bit more at ease with all the extra monitoring.

In other news, I am at home sick with bronchitis...yuck, but at least I have a good excuse not to go in to work. Tom only has six more days until he is out patroling by himself! He is so excited about it. I am so glad he loves his job.