Well, I gave you all the medical information but I never really got to how we are handling all of this. It has been pretty hard, but each day is getting a little bit better. I won't lie, when we first found out about the partial molar pregnancy and everything that was going to have to be done I was extremely angry. I thought, wow, isn't it enought to have to deal with the loss? Now I have to go through all this and will have to, in a way, revisit this once a month for the next six months. It just isn't fair! But after having quite a melt down with my dad and after talking to several people I began to realize that I can't do anything to change the circumstances. I can only control how I will react to them. So I am trying to focus only on the positive. Which if you read my first post you can clearly see that there could be a lot of negative to focus on, but I'm trying not to. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of Randy Pausch, but he is the man that is known for "The Last Lecture." There is a book and you can actually watch the video on youtube. He was a man dying of cancer and he wanted to pass on his life lessons. I have read most of the book and watched the video. One of the things that I got from him was you can either be a Tigger or an Eeyore about the hand you are dealt. So I have decided to try to be a Tigger. I think that there are definitely some positives that can be pulled out of our circumstances. These are in no particular order. 1. We know why we had a miscarriage. Our baby had genetic problems. Many people have no idea why a pregnancy may have ended in a miscarriage. In a way this has brought a small amount of closure to us in the fact that we know why it happened. 2. Next time we do get pregnant they will start monitoring very early. I think that this will greatly help me and my overly anxious mind. 3. The chances of this happening again are extremely low, only 1-2%. 4. This has helped us understand just how much we really want a baby and that we really feel ready.
Most of all, we know that God is in control of our lives and that He had a reason for this happening. We may not know what that reason is, but we are leaning on Him for comfort and strength. Sure we still have plenty of tears, but we are really trying to focus on the positive.
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I am so very proud of both of you. And you always were a Tigger lover! :o)
ReplyDeleteme too. I know you are a Tigger, you have a certain bounce about you. I love you, and Tom. I know this is has been so very hard. You and Tom are handeling it right, lean on each other and God. Sometimes the answers are not there. But keep on having faith. God loves you both, we love you both, hang in there. love, your fat daddy.
ReplyDeleteWell, Sarah and Tom, I'm sorry to be so long getting back to your blog but I see that you are handling everything well. You both are in our prayers. Love to both, Granny
ReplyDeleteYou know, Sarah, everything you write is exactly how I felt when we had our miscarriage. Your words helped me even after 23 years to understand that I am not alone in my feelings.
ReplyDeleteAfter I miscarried, I wrote a prayer. I just needed to know that God was sad for me too. So in my handwritten prayer, I asked God if He would show me a sign that he was sad too. Well, I got pregnant with Leah before the child we lost was to be born. In fact, I found out just a few days before the due date that I was pregnant again. Sign one! But more than anything, Leah has become such a inspiration to many people throughout her life. I have been asked several times what had we done to get such an amazing daughter. I also say...God gave me a sign through her that He was as sad as I was and by giving me the chance to have such an amazing daughter He was comforting me in a wonderful way. Yes, I wonder what the child that is in heaven would have been like. But I also know that child is safe and has an eternal home with God and one day I will hold that child in my arms. After all those years without my child, I will have eternity to spend getting to know him/her. Plus I have Alan, Leah and Leslie to love forever too.